Chapter 1 – “Hello Are You There?!”

Written By: Paradox

Edited By: Edet and Tyhuko


Hello everyone ,

This is my first time writing a web novel. Please leave a comment if you have any suggestions, criticism, ideas, etc. I will try to address them the best I can. This will help me a lot because I am not very good at English. I hope you enjoy my novel.


True Identity

Chapter 1 – “Hello, Are You There?!”

“I love you James, please go out with me!”

“I’m sorry, I have no feelings for you….”

Sigh, that’s the third confession this week. I’ve gotten so many confessions throughout my highschool career and it’s become so goddamn annoying. You would think after denying so many confessions, the girls in this school would get the idea that I won’t go out with any of them.

Everyone is so superficial, just because I’m good looking, they start acting friendly towards me. And just because some of them are also kind of pretty, they expect me to like them back…. Society is just so fucked up.

Well whatever I’ll just walk back to class now.

IF I had the time and IF I were to even consider dating someone, they would have to actually know everything about me. Then, and only then could I accept them. I won’t date someone just because they like my outward appearance. I think if people knew what my life was actually like, they would pity me and that’s what I can’t stand. Also, I don’t think as many people would talk to me, wait that actually might be a good idea…. Well whatever, in order to avoid people from feeling pity for me I put up a facade so nobody knows what my life is really like and how I really am.

When I was 12 years old, my parents died in a plane crash. They were going on a trip for their anniversary and wanted to have some alone time. They left their 12 year old son and 11 year old daughter at home alone. But unfortunately there was a malfunction which caused the plane to crash when they were traveling to Japan. The search team never found the plane my parents were on. All we know is that the plane is somewhere in the pacific ocean.

When my sister and I heard the news, my sister was crying so much while I didn’t cry at all. At that moment, my life changed drastically and I decided that I would keep my promise to my parents. Before they left, my parents told me, “Take care of your little sister while we’re gone James.” I decided that I would keep that promise for the rest of my life.

After the funeral, our grandmother, our last relative, decided to take care of us. She tried her best to take care of us. She did everything in her power to give us everything we wanted. But, unfortunately she also died last year because of old age. Now I have to keep the promise with my parents even more.

When I got back to class my classmates were as noisy as ever. I walked back to my seat in the back corner near the windows. Usually there’s a big group around my desk but luckily there was only my best friend Nick.

“How did it feel getting confessed to by Jenny, the 5th top rank beauty in our school James?”

“Same as always, I rejected her.”

“Come on man, when are you going to relax a little and actually go out with someone one of these days?”

“You of all people should know why I don’t want to… relax a little Nick.”

“Hmm, ‘cause you’re gay?”

“NICK!!”

“HAHAHA, I’m just kidding James, calm down man.”

“…”

Nick is my childhood friend, he is one of the people who actually know about my situation. He used to be my neighbor when we were younger so we played together. Since he actually knows about my situation I consider him one of my true friends. Everyone else, well, I guess you could call them acquaintances.

“Oh yeah James, did you hear about the first virtual reality game coming out soon? It’s called Absolute Authority. My friends and I plan to play together, you should join us.”

“Umm, I’ll think about it. I got to see if I can afford it in the first place.”

“Oh come on man, you have been working so hard lately, I think your sister will understand you taking out a little money so you can buy the VR Headset.”

“It’s not a little money, the VR Headset is $1500, how is that a small amount? I could buy so much with that amount of money.”

“Well I guess that true… But think of it as an investment because you can also sell your items and gold for real money on the online auction. Then if you make good money out of the game, you can quit your job. What do you think?”

“That sounds good, but you never know if I will actually make good money off the game. Well, whatever I’ll think about it.”

“Alright man, think about it. I have to go now since school just finished, talk to you later.”

“Cya….”

I left the school and started walking to my job at the grocery store.

Truthfully, I really wanted to play this new game but I have decided to restrain myself from buying it. The reason is, I don’t even know if I will have enough time to play the game let alone afford buying it. I’ve been so excited about this game for a long time and I basically know everything you can about this soon to be released game.

Getting excited about the game just from thinking about it, I decided to listen to the GR radio station that
is dedicated to video games. They were talking about how Absolute Authority or in short AA has 97% realism and how the game will be the best thing ever. Before going to an advertisement the radio station made an announcement.

“Important announcement everyone, everyone call the GR radio station right now! If you’re the 1000th caller we will send you a VR headset and a copy of the game Absolute Authority once it comes out! So just call us, there’s no harm in just calling and you might just be the 1000th caller.”

After hearing the announcement I decided to call seeing no reason not to. But I wasn’t really paying attention because chances of me actually winning were like 1 in a million or even smaller. So I have just decided to keep on walking towards my job.

Suddenly a female voice started to announce the winner.

“We have a winner! Caller number 1000 what’s your name?”

“Caller number 1000… what’s your name?”

“Hello, are you there?”

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17 thoughts on “Chapter 1 – “Hello Are You There?!”

  1. Your synopsis at the top of each page says that his sister is only one year younger than him, but in this chapter it says that he was 12 and she was 1 when the parents died. Think it might have been a typo for 11

    Like

    • I completely agree with you. I know there’s lots of errors in it. Though since I’m just doing this just for hobby at the moment, I’m not too worried about it. If I get serious about it sometime in the future I will get an editor. Thanks for the constructiven criticism though!

      Like

  2. It’s time for that promised proofreading, feel free to change whatever you like, these are just suggestions after all.

    I’ve gotten so many confessions throughout my high
    school career and it’s become so god damn annoying

    —>

    I’ve gotten so many confessions throughout my high
    school career and it’s become so goddamn annoying

    Everyone is so superficial, just because I’m good looking, they start liking me.

    —>

    Everyone is so superficial, just because I’m good looking, they act friendly towards me.

    IF I had the time and IF I were to even consider dating someone, they would have to actually know everything about me and like those things about me

    —>

    IF I had the time and IF I were to even consider dating someone, they would have to know everything about me. Then, and only then could I accept them.

    I won’t date someone just because they like me because of my looks.

    —>
    I won’t date someone just because they like how I look like.
    or
    I won’t date someone just because they like my outward appearance.

    I think if people knew what my life was actually like they would feel pity for me which I hate.

    —>

    I think if people knew what my life was actually like, they would pity me and that’s what I can’t stand.

    Also, I don’t think as many people would talk to me, wait that actually might be a good idea

    —>

    Besides, I don’t think as many people would talk to me, which may actually be a good thing.

    Well whatever, in order to avoid people from feeling pity for me I put up a facade so nobody knows what my life is really like and how I really am.

    —>
    Well, whatever, I put up a facade barring people from seeing what my life and what I am actually like.

    But unfortunately they was a malfunction with the plane and they crashed when they were traveling to Japan.

    —>

    But unfortunately there was a malfunction which caused the plane to crash when they were traveling to Japan.

    They never found the plane my parents were on

    —>

    The rescue team / search team never found the plane my parents were on / my parents took.

    All we know is that the plane is somewhere in the pacific ocean.

    —>

    All me and my sister know is that the wreckage of the plane is somewhere in the pacific ocean.

    When my sister and I heard the news, my sister was crying so much while I didn’t cry at all.

    —>

    When my sister and I heard the news, my sister was crying her eyes out while I didn’t cry at all.

    Before they left my parents told me, “Take care of your little sister while we’re gone James.”

    —>

    Before they left, my parents told me, “Take care of your little sister while we’re gone James.”

    After the funeral, our grandmother, our last relative, decided to take care of us.

    —>

    After the funeral, our grandmother, which so happens to be our last relative, decided to take care of us.

    But unfortunately she also died last year because of old age.

    —>

    But, unfortunately she has died last year because of old age.

    Now I have to keep the promise with my parents even more now.

    —>

    Now I have to keep the promise with my parents even more.

    When I got back to class my classmates were as noisy as ever.

    —>

    When I have gotten back to class my classmates were as noisy as ever.

    “How did it feel getting confessed to by Jenny, the 5th top rank beauty in our school James?”

    —>

    “How did it feel getting confessed to by Jenny, 5th in the “top beaties in our school” ranking James?” (modify the name of the ranking as you wish)

    Nick is my childhood friend, he one of the people who actually knows my situation because we used to play together when we were younger because we were neighbors.

    —>

    Nick is my childhood friend, he is one of the people who actually know about my situation. He used to be my neighbour when we were younger so we played together.

    Since he actually knows my situation I consider him one of my true friends. Everyone else I guess you could also call them “friends.”

    —>

    Since he actually knows about my situation I consider him one of my true friends. Everyone else, well, I guess you could call them acquaintances.

    “Oh yeah James, did you hear about the first virtual reality game coming out soon.

    —>

    Oh yeah James, did you hear about the first virtual reality game coming out soon?

    “Oh come on man, you been working so hard lately, I think your sister will understand you taking out a little money so you can buy the VR Headset.”

    —>

    “Oh come on man, you have been working so hard lately, I think your sister will understand you taking out a little money so you can buy the VR Headset.”

    “It’s not a little money, the VR Headset is $1500, how is that a little money? I could so much other things with that amount of money.”

    —>

    “It’s not a little money, the VR Headset is $1500, how is that a small amount? I could buy so much with that amount of money.”

    “Well I guess that true… But think of it as an investment because you can also sell your items and gold for real money on the online auction. Then if you make good money off the game, you can quit your jobs. What do you think?”

    —>

    “Well I guess that true… But think of it as an investment because you can also sell your items and gold for real money on the online auction. Then if you make good money out of the game, you can quit your job. What do you think?”

    “That’s sounds good, but you never know if I will actually make good money off the game. Well, whatever I’ll think about it.”

    —>

    “That sounds good, but you never know if I will actually make good money off the game. Well, whatever I’ll think about it.”

    “Alright man think about it. I have to go now since school just finished, talk to you later.”

    —>

    “Alright man, think about it. I have to go now since school just finished, talk to you later.”

    I left school and started walking to my job at the grocery store.

    —>

    I left the school and started walking to my job at the grocery store.

    Truth is that I really want to play the new game but I decided that I will restrain myself and not buy it. This is because I don’t even know if I have enough time to play, let alone afford to buy it. I’ve been so excited about this game for a long time and I basically know everything you can know about the game.

    —>

    Truthfully, I really wanted to play this new game but I have decided to restrain myself from buying it. The reason is, I don’t even know if I will have enought time to play the game let alone afford buying it. I’ve been so excited about this game for a long time and I basically know everything you can about this soon to be released game.

    Getting excited about the game just thinking about it, I decided to listen to the GR radio station that
    is dedicated to talking about video games. They were talking about how Absolute Authority or AA has a 97% realism and how the game will be the next best thing. Before going to an advertisement the radio station made an announcement.

    —>

    Getting excited about the game just from thinking about it, I decided to listen to the GR radio station that
    is dedicated to video games. They were talking about how Absolute Authority or in short AA has 97% realism and how the game will be the best thing ever. Before going to an advertisement the radio station made an announcement.

    After hearing the announcement I decided to call seeing no harm could be done. But I wasn’t really paying attention because chances of me actually winning is like 1 in a million or even bigger. So I just decided to keep on walking towards my job.

    —>

    After hearing the announcement I decided to call seeing no reason not to. But I wasn’t really paying attention because chances of me actually winning were like 1 in a million or even smaller. So I have just decided to keep on walking towards my job.

    I think you should add something like this before the people from the radio announced the winner.
    “Suddenly I heard male/female voice…”

    Liked by 1 person

      • No problem, I’ll try to finish 2nd chapter today at least. Well, you may thank me by posting new chapter, I;m dying to know what happens next 😦

        Liked by 1 person

        • Haha, I don’t know if the next chapter will help you then lol. You’ll see once it comes out, should be tomorrow. If you have any interest in becoming an editor because you’re very good tell me. And make sure you follow -_-

          Like

          • Well, normally, I probably would, because the story is really interesting, however I don’t know how much free time I’ll have in the coming months.. so yeah, can’t really sign up just to do nothing afterwards.

            Like

            • Mhm, that is totally understandable. Honestly, since I’m not paying shit for the editors, you could do it whenever your free and I wouldn’t complain. How about you send me your email address and we can talk some more. 🙂 .

              Also, stay tuned I’m about to post a description of a possible next novel. It depends on how you guys like it though. It could be a short story or another long series.

              Like

  3. Alright thank you very much for your proofreading. It helped a lot. I hope you continue to help me in the future, I hope…. I changed a lot of things in this chapter from your suggestions. Again thanks again.

    Like

  4. What a way to use up a life times worth of luck for being the 1000th caller. 😛
    Novel looks interest, I hope there will be a ton of action, adventure, suspense and quests!
    Looking forward to see how your story telling will unfold.

    Like

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